The Following is an excerpt from “When the Lies Are Loudest”.
“Growing up in a cult, childhood abuse, family difficulties, and the regular life struggles have meshed with my genetic disposition to crown me with clinical anxiety and undiagnosed seasons of depression.
I’ve wrestled with anxiety for a long time. I don’t know when it first began, but it accumulated over time until I could no longer say (as I was apt to), “I’m fine, and I don’t need help.”.
On the day after Thanksgiving in 2018, I recently moved to Austin from the Northeast states. I was feeling overwhelmed with a new boyfriend, a waitress job that stressed me out to no end, no money to visit anyone for the holidays, and no medical insurance—that’s when it happened. I was waitressing when I started to feel dizzy and I began experiencing vertigo, head fog, and confusion. I made my way to a manager. “I feel dizzy,” was all I could say before she grabbed my arm and helped me sit down—and I did, for what felt like an eternity. I could not shake off the vertigo or other panic attack symptoms. It would not go away, and I was left to conclude that it must be an allergic reaction. Why else would I not be able to make it stop? My boyfriend, now husband, came to drive me to the ER, where I learned it was a panic attack. That incident stopped me from ignoring my mental health and I started taking it seriously. It only took my body shutting down and several thousand dollars in medical debt to do it.
As broke as I was, I spent the following months investing in semi-regular counseling, sparingly using the prescribed meds and stumbling around a lot. One thing I found particularly helpful was my regular Bible reading plan. I started identifying lies I believed about myself and God which fueled my anxiety. I made a list of verses that talked about anxiety or combated the lies I was telling myself. I meditated on these scriptures every morning and prayed over them for a season, and lo and behold it actually helped. When I would start to think, “Everything is out of control, and there’s nothing I can do!” I’d remember that God was in control, and I didn’t have to be. When I thought, “I’m worthless! A failure and fraud!” I’d remember that I’m made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), knit together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14), and known by God. Not only that, but He chose me as one of His adopted children (Ephesians 1:5). The lies I told myself were no match for the truth of scripture.
I found reading about who God is, and who I am in relation to Him very comforting. I also discovered that reading what the Bible says about anxiety and it actually helped decrease the shame I felt. I want to share some of that with you so you can also find peace in God’s Word.
I’d like to place a little disclaimer here, the Bible and prayer have not cured me of my anxiety. I have found comfort in God’s character and Scripture, but I do not want your goal to be some magical cure. If you suffer from clinical anxiety, consider this book a supplement (not a replacement) to your doctor’s recommendations. I also recommend counseling for you if you are anxious or depressed, whether or not you are clinically diagnosed.
God’s Word is living and active and profitable for teaching and maturing your faith (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16-17). Therefore, your anxiety does not have to be something that draws you apart from God. On the contrary, God loves to draw near us, despite and through our anxiety.”
Excerpt from “When the Lies Are Loudest” available on Amazon here.